Things I Do in the Evenings Instead of Scrolling

My baby is an early bird. I am an early bird too, so sometimes I manage to get an hour to myself before she wakes up, but it’s getting harder and harder, and so I protect my evenings at all cost. It’s my time to relax, unwind, decompress, do my own thing, etc. For the longest time after she was born, I would be so tired, I’d collapse on a sofa and spend an entire evening scrolling on my phone. It, of course, made me feel wired, scattered, and depleted - so much for unwinding. It’s no secret that excessive social media use overstimulates the brain’s reward system, increases stress, and makes it harder to rest and focus, especially when scrolling replaces real downtime, so why do we do it? It certainly doesn’t make us feel better about ourselves.

It’s not all black and white, of course. There are a lot of fun inspiring things and people out there, and some scrolling is inevitable and, dare I say it, lovely. For example, I just got out of rabbit hole that is Julie O’Rourke’s page. I came out inspired! What a beautiful family. What lovely projects. I want to buind a house! I want to have three kids! I want to learn needlepoint!

Also, I am not going to lie, I still occasionally spend time scrolling through random not so inspiring Reels or TikToks (sending videos and memes is my love language), but lately more often than not I am doing one of the things below instead, and that change genuinely made me a much happier person.

Now, my evenings mostly stopped dissolving into nothingness and started accumulating small, restorative bits and pieces that make me feel good and rested.

12 things to do instead of scrolling

1. Cook something that requires a bit of effort

I love cooking, so for me any effort in the kitchen is a pleasurable effort. I usually make myself a tiny snack plate (prosciutto, crisps, some cheese, an apricot), pour a glass of wine (usually red, chilled) and start chopping. Sometimes I put on noise-cancelling headphones and listen to an audiobook or turn on a series. Other times it’s just me and my thoughts. It’s lovely either way. It’s my time. I am not to be interrupted.

I find cooking deeply satisfying. You have an opportunity to create something great from something good, or something from nothing at all. Some evenings I follow a recipe, other nights I cook by instinct, tasting as I go. My cooking nowadays is guided mostly by what’s available on a farmers’ market. It’s abundant! It’s beautiful! There are ripe tomatoes and crisp salads, tiny potatoes and tiny beats, freshly made butter and grass-fed beef, eggs with deep orange yolks from happy pasture raised chickens, bruised peaches and sugary strawberries, and herbs, so many herbs. If there is one thing I appreciate in life fully, it’s good food. I don’t take it for granted.

2. Read a book

An actual physical book. I read on my phone all the time, but the pleasure of a physical book is saved for the evening when I know I won’t be interrupted and the book will not be destroyed.

I have been a reader for as long as I can remember. I used to wake up with a book and fall asleep with one, desperate to keep reading, desperate to stay inside a story a little longer. In some ways, I still am. If I have a spare moment, I’ll read. If I have a few more, I’ll read a little more. It is one of the most natural ways I know how to relax and have fun.

3. Watch a good series without looking at my phone

I am currently watching Widow’s Bay, which is not exactly my usual territory because I am not a horror person at all. And yet here I am, completely hooked. It is eerie, yes, but also absurd in the best possible way—so sharp, so funny, so unexpectedly clever that I keep forgiving it for every jump scare. “Witch trials. Great source of pride. We caught them. We burned them.”

I also just finished watching Two Weeks in August. It was fine but not amazing.

4. Do yoga or pilates

Movement is non-negotiable for me. I don’t need intensity at this point in the day; I need something that lets my body soften and my mind settle, so I choose lighter, more relaxing practices - gentle flows, slow stretches.

I’ve been following Yoga with Adrienne for years, and her energy is one of the reasons it works for me. There’s something deeply calming about the way she moves through the practice, the pace, the encouragement, her voice, even her dog. What a gift to the world she is.

5. Clean up while listening to a podcast

I am not, by nature, a particularly organised person, but I am deeply drawn to the idea of order. Just enough time for the day to exhale a little, for surfaces to clear, for things to return to their places. It’s a contained effort, and that is part of what makes it feel so doable.

It’s also much easier, and far more enjoyable, when I have a podcast on in the background, something I would have listened to anyway. It turns the task into company rather than labour. I am currently listening to old episodes of The Motherdaze Podcast and How to Fail with Elizabeth Day.

6. Do a puzzle

It’s no secret I am a huge fan of puzzles. I can’t wait for my daughter to be of puzzle age. I actually googled recently “from what age can a child do 500 pieces puzzles.” Usually from 8-10, but if the kid is highly-motivated (haha) then from 5 with adult help. I wonder how you highly-motivate a child to become an early puzzle maker. And advice?

I am utterly obsessed with Eeboo puzzles. They are stunning and well-made. I did this one when I was pregnant to hang in my baby’s nursery. She doesn’t particularly care for it, but it makes me happy every time I look at it.

7. Take an everything shower or a bath

Few things in life are as enjoyable as hot baths and everything showers. I dim the lights, put on some soft music, and give myself permission to take as long as I want.

In practice, it looks like this: a face mask, a hair mask that’s actually on long enough to do its job, a dry brush before the water hits, a body mask or a scrub. And of course, scolding hot water. I want to burn.

8. Meditate

I habit-stack this one: it lives on top of another habit I already do. In the evening, right before bed, I lie down on an acupuncture mat and let the pressure do its work while I listen to a guided meditation. The mat keeps my body present, the voice keeps my mind from wandering too far, and the combination turns meditation from something I should do into something I crave doing, because, I have to admit, I actually don’t always love meditating, I sometimes feel too lazy for it, it is, after all, a workout for the mind, but there is something about the acupuncture mat that helps.

9. Learn something new

Nowadays, I am learning Swedish. I also keep thinking about taking a herbalism course, because there is something deeply appealing about learning the old, grounded language of plants and remedies (and you know I am woo-woo, though I don’t think herbalism is necessarily woo-woo). There is comfort in being a beginner. It pulls me out of routine and reminds me that attention can and should be generous. It’s also a great excuse to buy new gorgeous stationary.

How to Research for Pleasure

10. Create something with your hands

I am currently into embroidery and knitting. I am waiting for the wool needling kit and am this close to buying a sewing machine. I actually fantasise about sewing before I fall asleep. I don’t have space for a sewing machine! I have zero sewing skills, and I suppose it will take some time to acquire them, but a girl can dream.

11. Write

Writing requires concentration, and even though writing isn’t typing, it is also typing, and I can’t do much of it during the day when my attention is divided between hundreds of tasks.

It’s only in the quiet of the evening, I can sit with an idea and let it unfold properly, which is something I cannot always do when the day and my baby are still holding on to me.

12. Call someone

I talk to my parents and brothers every single day. I know that probably sounds unusual to some people, but to me it feels entirely natural. I’ve been doing it every single day for a decade.

People should seek more contact on purpose. It can be a quick check-in, a ridiculous story, a bit of gossip, or simply the sound of a familiar voice while the kettle boils.

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The point of these evenings is not productivity, really. It is care. It’s sort of a way of arriving back to myself at the end of a noisy day, of choosing things that make me feel more human, more settled, more at home in my own life. I will never stop quoting Annie Dillard: “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” It doesn’t hurt to have a bit of intention.