Everything I Wish I Knew About Having a Baby

I thought I had a pretty good idea of what life with a newborn would be like. I read the books, I scrolled through the forums, I asked other moms for their stories. And yet nothing quite prepares you for the reality of it.

My baby turned one today!!! Everyone was right when they said it all goes by so fast, too fast even. It felt almost cruel back then. It feels cruel now, but for all the different reasons.

One Month Postpartum: Cry When the Baby Cries

I made this crown!!! So proud of myself!

I am sharing this to make the experience feel a little less lonely for those who come after me.

(I wrote this from the trenches. The comments are how I feel now, one year in.)

You will miss your old life, and that’s okay. I love my baby. But I also miss quiet mornings, spontaneous dinners out, and the version of myself who wasn’t always tethered to someone else’s needs. I almost never miss my old life. Life right now is unbelievably wonderful.

The emotions will run high. People talk about sleep deprivation, but they don’t always mention the emotional rollercoaster. I didn’t realise how quickly I’d swing from joy to tears, from feeling completely in love to completely overwhelmed, from being calm to being enraged. If I’d known how normal those swings are, I might have been kinder to myself in those first days. I still feel mom rage occasionally haha, but not nearly as often.

You might get baby blues even if you had a hormonally smooth pregnancy. I did, and it was horrific. I wish I were prepared for the possibility of it. The second week postpartum was perhaps the worst week of my life. I have never felt so horribly sad and lonely and enraged and in love, all at the same time. It passed.

The sundown scaries are real.

You will check if the baby is alive, constantly. I still do it occasionally, when she is sick.

You will change your opinion on things, also constantly. Swaddling, sleep-training, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, you name it. You (I) also changed my opinion on screens.

You will most likely not sleep when the baby sleeps. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” sounds good in theory, but in practice? Sometimes you just want to eat a meal sitting down, or take a shower, or stare at the wall in silence. I personally would trade an hour of sleep for an hour of time for myself.

Plus there is a good chance your anxiety will not let you fall asleep even if you try.

I sleep pretty good now, hurray! And knock on wood!

Breastfeeding might be natural but it is not easy, at least not at the beginning.

My baby god a breast aversion, and it was horrific, but she is thriving on formula.

It will feel like a full-time job. And that’s because it is. WHO recommends to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months. Dr Courtney Jung, author of Lactivism, estimates that six months of breastfeeding could require about 900 hours of a mother’s time.

I am not pumping, but I’m sure pumping feels like a full time job too. Same with formula feeding.

Any type of feeding with a newborn will feel like a full time job.

I did pump after the breast aversion started, Then I formula fed. It’s no longer a full time job, hurray again!

The small joys will save you.

You truly need a village.

To have a village, you must be a villager yourself.

The house will never be caught up. I thought I’d eventually get ahead on laundry, dishes, and general chaos if I just pushed through. The truth is, with a newborn, there’s no such thing as caught up. There’s just done enough. We have a cleaner who comes on Wednesday. She leaves at 2pm, by 8pm the house is in shambles.

One year in, that stands true.

Everyone will have an opinion. Filter kindly. From sleep schedules to swaddling techniques, you’ll hear advice everywhere, sometimes even from strangers (especially from strangers). What I’ve learned is: listen, take what feels useful, and let the rest go. No one else knows your baby like you do.

Reddit will become your best friend. At least, mine.

Still bloody love it.

Silence will feel startling. Before, I craved quiet. Now, when the baby is finally asleep and the house is still, the silence sometimes feels heavy. I’ve had to relearn how to enjoy it, instead of filling it with worry about when the next cry will come. Also is the baby alive??

Silence feels amazing now!

You will likely co-sleep, at least once. Prepare for it.

I did! And it was lovely.

It takes five seconds to change a diaper. Don’t worry about it.

It is much harder now when the baby is ON THE MOVE. Did not expect that.

The days will blur. Weekends don’t feel different. Life is suddenly measured not in dates but in feedings, naps, and diaper counts. It’s disorienting.

Your conversations will change. I didn’t realize how much of my daily conversation would revolve around bodily functions - mine and the baby’s. Poop, spit-up, bleeding, sore nipples. It’s terribly annoying generally yet strangely bonding when shared with other parents.

I can talk about other things now!

You will get cellulite and stretch marks. At least I did. Surprisingly, I didn’t get any stretch marks on my belly. I got them on my BOOBS.

Also, when I stopped breastfeeding, my boobs became even SMALLER than before. Unfair much?

Your hair will start falling out.

It grows back. You look weird for awhile.

It will pass.

It’s both a blessing an a curse.

You will find time to create. It will not be a lot of time, but it will count.

You will still be you. Motherhood doesn’t erase the person you were before. She’s still in there, even if right now she’s covered in spit-up. The truth is, I wish I had always trusted that my creativity, my ambitions, my friendships - all of it - will still have space.

I am a better version of who I was.

You will love your baby more than you could have ever imagined.

And your heart will be full.

SO FULL. I constantly feel like it might explode.

You’ve got this!

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Love you.

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