How to Live a Rich Life
“You told me once that we shall be judged by our intentions, not by our accomplishments. I thought it a grand remark. But we must intend to accomplish—not sit intending on a chair.”
It is without a doubt utterly magical to watch a bare patch of soil transform into a vibrant garden weeks or even months later. Last spring, Fredrik and I threw some wildflower seeds on a patch of dirt on front of our apartment, and it brought us more joy than we could possibly imagine. It took time, dedication and many arguments with dog owners, delivery men and on one occasion a mom with a stroller, but the result was worth it. “Our garden” kept us happy the whole summer. Every morning we came out of the apartment, coffee in hand, and spent a few minutes looking for new seedlings and blooms. It started with a few little greens. By August, it was wild and luscious.
In life, as in a garden, the most rewarding transformations often require the greatest patience. “Planting a delayed delight or sa gratification” is about investing in ourselves, our relationships, our dreams, our lives, even when the payoff isn’t immediate. In fact, the delay of the payoff, I believe, is what makes it especially pleasurable.
I just came back from Mallorca. I loved the trip but I also loved time before the trip almost as much. I booked it two months in advance and was genuinely looking forward to it: I researched restaurants and hikes, listened to a short story narrated by a local, etc. Yes, the trip was amazing, but all that anticipation—almost just as good. I don’t think the pleasure was simply delayed, it was multiplied. Inspired by this experience, I tried buying tickets to Greece to go in October but quickly realised your infant actually has to have a name and a date of birth to be able to do so. Bean so far has neither.
I realised recently that to be utterly content and happy in the present I also need something to look forward to. It is perhaps not the most clever approach to life (be in the now!) but the one that works best for me. I do exist in the now. I just think foretaste of what’s coming makes the now only better.
Science actually agrees with me. A 2006 study developed the TEPS (The Temporal Experience of Pleasure Scale — what a mouthful) to measure two trait components of pleasure: anticipatory (looking forward) and consummatory (in-the-moment). In large college-age samples, they found that the anticipatory pleasure subscale demonstrated internal consistency and temporal stability nearly equivalent to the consummatory subscale—and that individuals’ scores on the two scales were strongly, positively correlated—indicating that anticipation itself is a robust source of pleasure.
I am adopting the concept of seed and fruit. At any given moment I can name:
One pleasurable intention (delight or gratification) for the future, something I look forward to (the seed)
Something I savour right now (the fruit)
I divide all anticipations into delayed delights and delayed gratifications. Delights are small pleasurable things that keep life exciting during and before, like booking a restaurant for a date night, planning a trip or preordering a book (do preorder books, it’s wonderful and helps authors!). They create moments of pleasure in the waiting, transforming anticipation itself into a source of joy. Gratifications are more serious, like excersizing every day in order to have a strong healthy body, writing a thousand words even when you don’t want to so in a year you could hold your novel in your hands, going to language lessons every Monday so in a few years you could speak Spanish. Delayed gratification usually requires dedication and compounds interest. They are the long arcs of our lives—the disciplined investments that, over time, turn into meaningful achievements.
Being pregnant has both slowed me down and sped me up in the most unexpected ways. I must live deliberately and plan accordingly. I am working on cultivating disciplined attention to the world and what feels right. The effort makes all the difference in how I feel in my mind and in my body. At times, the pace of pregnancy feels paradoxical: my body slows, craving rest and recovery, while my mind races with possibilities and plans. I find myself sketching out the months ahead in my notebook—travel itineraries, business ideas, meal plans, a nurseries’ color, a reading list to share with my child, work projects, novel inspirations, etc. I am very good at cultivation delights. Gratifications are more difficult but necessary and so worth it.
Here’s how to embrace the art of delayed gratification and cultivate a life rich with long-term rewards. I wrote this for myself (I am a sucker for any kind of list) but perhaps you too will find it useful. Also, please forgive me this continuous garden analogy. It’s spring! I just bought new seeds for my dirt patch!
1. Sow seeds of intention
Every goal or habit begins as a small intention—a seedling of possibility. Whether you’re writing a book, learning a new language, building stronger friendships, or nurturing your mental health, set clear intentions today. Write them down, visualize the outcome, and commit to the tiny daily actions that will help them grow.
E.M. Foster famously said: “You told me once that we shall be judged by our intentions, not by our accomplishments. I thought it a grand remark. But we must intend to accomplish—not sit intending on a chair.”
2. Work on bringing intention to life
Before seeds can thrive, soil must be tilled and enriched. In life, your “soil” is your mind, your environment and the effort you put into intention.
In one of my favorite books “A Strategy for Daily Living,” Ari Kiev, M.D. writes: “Everyone wants to be rewarded for his efforts. But don’t, as many do, delay in making the effort until you are assured of a reward. Have faith that your rewards will follow your efforts, in accordance with the law of cause and effect. If you try to obtain the rewards without making the effort to earn them, you will find frustration and failure and will be denied the satisfaction of a job well done. An excessive concern for rewards creates fear about making the effort and leads to failure.”
3. Embrace the waiting period
Growth isn’t linear. There are patches of rapid progress and stretches of seemingly stalled effort. Embrace the quiet seasons. Celebrate small wins: A week of consistent practice, a single meaningful conversation, a moment of clarity. Understand that deep-rooted change takes time. Resist the urge to abandon a project because it feels slow. Use pause to assess—are you watering too much (burnout)? Too little (neglect)? Fine-tune your approach.
4. Nurture with consistent care
Just like young plants need regular watering, your projects need consistent attention.
These small acts, repeated, compound into profound transformation over time.
Nothing is more powerful than compounding interest.
5. Weather the storms
Storms—setbacks, criticism, self-doubt—are inevitable. But strong roots help you stand firm:
Cultivate optimism by reframing challenges as opportunities to grow.
Lean on mentors, friends, or professionals when winds blow strong.
Treat failures as rich compost that nourishes future success.
6. Revel in the bloom
When at last your efforts bear fruit—a completed project, a deep connection, a healthier self—take time to celebrate. Enjoy it and acknowledge every step that led you there. Today’s bloom began with yesterday’s seed.
7. Plant the next flower
Life’s garden is never truly finished. Each success plants the blueprint for your next adventure.
Alright, I am done with garden metaphors for a foreseeable future!
What we should really aim to do is to transform waiting into an active, joyful process and discover that the road to tomorrow’s goals can be as delightful as the goals themselves.